What are you fearful of?
What do you put off and ignore?
I think we can all relate to having something we tend to avoid.
Let me share something personal, something I’ve never shared publicly before.
It’s this: I’m scared of the water.
Specifically swimming in the sea and feeling out of my depth.
Sound like a contradiction for someone who became known for sailing 2 1/2 times round the world?
Yep, I see that too.
It is though the truth.
It’s something that has irritated me for years.
I actually got pretty good over a lifetime at shutting it out - pretending it wasn’t there.
Ignoring it.
I *now* see that as a poor idea.
Something that burns mental energy. The act of trying to suppress emotions is a flawed one as they somehow find a way to surface.
What Changed (And why might this be relevant to you)
Some years ago, my good friend Dan said these words to me:
“The cave that you don’t want to go into is the cave that you must go into”
Words that stuck in my head.
Words that I did nothing with until recently.
The Catalyst
Exercise is a big part of my life today (it never used to be), but I have sculpted my identity and story so that it is now a central part of who I am.
In the past few months I’ve picked up a handful of injuries that have stopped me rowing and running. Two of my go-to sports.
Cue a month of feeling frustrated and grumpy because of a lack of exercise.
A while back a friend had mentioned Open Water Swimming.
I’d always discounted this because of my fear of the water.
As another week of irritation rolled through, I started mulling the idea of swimming.
I found good reasons why I should do it:
It’s low impact on the body so no injuries
I love being around the water (even though fearful)
I need to do some exercise
I love wearing Speedos (just kidding - they’re definitely not my thing).
And on the other side was “But I’m scared”.
The words came to mind…..” The cave that you don’t want to go into is the cave you must go into”.
In all the research I’ve done, that split-second gap, between the WHY and the WHY NOT is where our futures are formed.
It’s the gap that is the gateway to doing something different or so staying the same.
Walking the Talk
Given what I do, it would be pretty rubbish if I just talked the talk and didn’t walk it!
Despite the fear and uncertainty, I made three decisions.
1) One was to book a swimming lesson with a coach specialising in “mindful open water swimming”
2) The second was to book a session at the local pool where I could start to face some inner demons.
3) The third was to speak to Rebecca, a therapist I talk to monthly (something I recommend everyone does).
Roll forward a month.
I’m regularly in the pool and walking into the cave.
With Rebecca I found out what was in the cave and have neutralised it.
I’ve just done my first Open Water Swim.
It was joyful and liberating.
How is this Relevant to Work?
We’ve all got areas where we get stuck.
Things we are fearful of.
Things that hold us back.
Ray Dalio uses the phrase Pain + Reflection = Progress.
It’s when we stop and reflect on our pain points we can make a breakthrough.
Is it easy?
Nope!
Can you put it off?
Of course. Some people do this for a lifetime.
Is it worth doing?
Only if you want to get to the other side.
We all have fears.
Fears grounded in our experiences.
It might just be that Dan has given me the best piece of advice ever:
“The cave that you don’t want to go into is the cave that you must go into”.
What’s in your cave?
And what do you stand to gain by going into it?
I have 3 ideas for you to experiment with:
Idea 1 - Find a quiet spot and switch off your phone. Grab a pen and paper and write down some you’d really like to do. Then ask yourself why you’ve not done it. See if you spot a fear that’s stopped you taking the action you need to take. Reflect on it and see what comes up.
Idea 2 - Imagine. What would happen if you had overcome that fear. Write a story of how life would look for you. Literally script it out and imagine how you’d feel if you were on the other side of that fear.
Idea 3 - Take Action. Who do you trust who you can speak to about this. A friend, a therapist, a family member. The more you shine a light on it the more likely you are to take action.
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