Fewer Conversations. More Depth.
We live in an era of distraction, surface-level communication, and relentless busyness. People feel disconnected from themselves, their work, and even their families. Leaders struggle with engagement. Couples battle unspoken tensions. Individuals wrestle with silent doubts.
The solution isn’t doing more, ”it’s asking better questions and having deeper conversations.
(this is the theme of the new book I’ve been writing this year)
When Was the Last Time You Felt Truly Heard?
Think about a conversation that changed the way you saw something—a moment where you walked away with new clarity, energy, or direction. Chances are, it wasn’t because of how much was said, but because of the depth of what was shared.
The problem today isn’t that we’re not talking. It’s that we’re not getting to the heart of things. Leaders struggle to connect with their teams because discussions stay transactional. Families sit together but remain mentally elsewhere. Colleagues talk past each other, missing what’s really being said.
Real connection doesn’t come from saying more. It comes from asking the right questions, listening with curiosity, and creating the space for deeper dialogue.
The Shift From Surface to Substance
What if we approached conversations differently? Instead of focusing on how many we have, we focus on how deep we go.
Here’s how that shift happens:
1. Prioritise Quality Over Quantity. A single meaningful conversation is worth more than a dozen rushed ones.
2. Ask Questions That Matter. Move beyond small talk. Instead of “How’s work?” try “What’s been the most important thing on your mind lately?”
3. Give Silence a Role. Not every pause needs to be filled. Some of the most profound moments happen in the space between words.
4. Go Beyond the First Answer. When someone gives a surface response, ask, “Tell me more about that.” Depth comes from staying with a topic, not moving on too quickly.
5. Engage Fully. No distractions. No multi-tasking. Just presence.
What Changes When We Go Deeper?
• Leaders understand their teams better, leading to real engagement, not just compliance.
• Families strengthen their bonds by hearing each other on a deeper level.
• Individuals gain clarity on their biggest decisions by talking through what truly matters.
Every major shift starts with a conversation, but not just any conversation. One that goes beyond the surface, where something real gets uncovered.
Three Experiments for You to Try
🚀 5-Minute Experiment: Ask What You’re Missing
Find someone you trust. Someone you’ve been working through something with and ask them:
👉 “What’s one thing I don’t seem to understand about this situation?”
Then, pause. Resist the urge to respond immediately. Just listen and see what comes up.
⏳ 10-Minute Experiment: The Follow-Up That Matters
Think of someone you’ve had a meaningful conversation with recently. Instead of moving on, take ten minutes to follow up with them today whether through a quick call, a message, or an in-person chat. Ask:
✅ “I’ve been thinking about what you said the other day - tell me more about that.”
✅ “Last time we spoke, you mentioned [topic] - how has that been going?”
Revisiting a conversation deepens trust and shows you truly listened.
🕰️ 30-Minute Experiment: A Deeper Check-In
Set aside 30 minutes with a partner, friend, or team member to have a deeper check-in. Create space to talk about what really matters right now. Ask:
✅ “What’s something you’ve been thinking about but haven’t said out loud yet?”
✅ “What’s something important that we don’t talk about enough?”
✅ “What’s really driving you right now, your energy, your focus, your challenges?”
Try these and see what happens when you shift from more conversations to more meaningful ones.