Resilience - it's a word I hear in every single briefing call for an event whether that’s for senior leaders, a team or the whole business.
“we need to be more resilient”
But what does it actually mean?
More importantly, how do we cultivate it in a way that is sustainable and isn’t just window dressing to tick the box of “we’ve done some work on resilience”.
In researching this article, I’m drawing on a combination of:
My life experiences learning at the extremes sailing twice round the world
My life experiences as an entrepreneur building and selling businesses
Two decades of research into the literature on the many different aspects which I think play a part in being more resilient
My time over the last 7 years working with senior leaders at world class organisations and finding out at the sharp end what are the things that actually make a difference, and
My involvement in a range of early stage businesses in the Mental Health and psychology sector accessing the very latest thinking and research.
I only share these so you know where I’m coming from!
Enough pre-amble.
Let’s dive in with a definition.
Resilience is much more than just "toughing it out", and setting our faces against the wind.
I think it’s about “our capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties”.
Life will never be smooth sailing. We will have good days and bad days. Sometimes for months or years at a time.
Resilience is about our ability to keep moving and to thrive in the face of these challenges.
But how do we get there?
How do we build this muscle?
Let's break it down into five core areas: psychology, emotional imprints, body-mind connection, habits, and relationships.
Then, I’ll give you three practical experiments to help you put it all into practice.
1. Our Psychology: The Lens We See the World Through
Our psychology today is the sum total of our thoughts, beliefs, and mental patterns. It's the lens through which we see the world. But here's the thing—this lens isn't fixed. It's fluid.
Think of your mind as a filter. It takes in information, sifts through it, and spits out a version of reality. But this filter isn't always accurate. It’s coloured by past experiences, fears, and biases.
If we want to build resilience, we need to clean that filter regularly. We need to question our thoughts and challenge our beliefs. Are they helping us, or are they holding us back?
One way to do this is through mindfulness. Mindfulness isn't just sitting cross-legged on a cushion, chanting "Om." It's about being aware of our thoughts and not getting sucked into them. It's about noticing when we're stuck in a negative loop and choosing to break free.
Another powerful tool is cognitive reframing. This involves taking a situation and looking at it from a different perspective. Instead of seeing a setback as a failure, see it as a learning opportunity. Instead of seeing criticism as a personal attack, see it as feedback for growth. By changing the way we think, we can change the way we respond to life's challenges.
2. Emotional Imprints: The Shadows of Our Past
Our past experiences leave emotional imprints—marks on our psyche that influence how we react to current situations. These imprints can be positive or negative, but they all shape our emotional responses.
For example, if you were criticized a lot as a child, you might have a deep-seated fear of failure or rejection. This fear can lead to anxiety, stress, and even avoidance behaviors. On the other hand, if you grew up with supportive parents who encouraged you, you might have a strong sense of self-worth and confidence.
The key to resilience is understanding these emotional imprints and how they affect us today. We need to recognize the triggers that set off our emotional responses and learn to manage them. This isn't about suppressing our emotions. It's about acknowledging them, understanding where they come from, and then choosing how to respond.
Journaling can be a powerful tool here. By writing about our experiences, we can gain insights into our emotional patterns. Therapy is another option. A good therapist can help us explore our past and understand how it's impacting our present.
3. The Body-Mind Connection: The Physical Side of Resilience
We often think of resilience as a mental or emotional trait, but our physical state plays a huge role too. When our body is healthy, our mind is sharper, more focused, and better able to handle stress.
Exercise is a non-negotiable part of resilience. It doesn't matter what kind of exercise—whether it's running, lifting weights, yoga, or even just walking. The point is to move. Exercise releases endorphins, the body's natural feel-good chemicals. It reduces stress, improves mood, and boosts energy levels.
Nutrition is equally important. What we eat affects our brain function. A diet high in processed foods and sugar can lead to brain fog, low energy, and mood swings. On the other hand, a diet rich in whole foods—fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and healthy fats—can improve cognitive function, stabilize mood, and increase energy.
Sleep is another critical factor. Without enough rest, our body and mind can't function at their best. Sleep deprivation impairs cognitive function, increases stress, and lowers our ability to cope with challenges. Prioritize sleep. Make it a non-negotiable part of your routine.
Finally, there's the practice of breathwork. Breathing exercises can help calm the nervous system, reduce stress, and bring the mind into a state of focus. It’s a simple, yet powerful tool to manage our physical and mental state in challenging situations.
4. Daily Habits and Rituals: The Foundation of Resilience
Resilience isn't built in a day. It's the result of consistent, daily actions. Our habits and rituals shape our lives more than we realize. They are the small things we do every day that, over time, build up to create significant change.
Start with your morning routine. How you start your day sets the tone for the rest of it. Do you wake up and immediately check your phone? Or do you take a few minutes to breathe, stretch, and set an intention for the day? A mindful morning routine can set you up for a more focused and resilient day.
Gratitude is another powerful habit. Taking a few minutes each day to reflect on what you're grateful for can shift your focus from what's wrong in your life to what's right. This simple practice can increase happiness, reduce stress, and improve your overall outlook on life.
Then there’s the practice of goal-setting. But not just any goals—resilient goals. These are goals that are challenging yet achievable, goals that stretch you without breaking you. By setting and working towards these goals, you build resilience over time. You learn to handle setbacks, adapt to challenges, and keep moving forward.
Finally, consider the habit of reflection. At the end of each day, take a few minutes to reflect on what went well, what didn’t, and what you can learn from it. This habit of reflection helps you to continually grow and adapt, which is the essence of resilience.
5. Relationships: The Social Side of Resilience
Humans are social creatures. We’re wired for connection. Our relationships play a crucial role in our resilience. A strong support system can help us weather the storms of life, while toxic relationships can drain our energy and resilience.
Start by evaluating your relationships. Who are the people that lift you up? Who are the ones that drain your energy? It’s important to spend more time with the former and less with the latter.
Communication is key in building resilient relationships. Open, honest communication fosters trust and understanding, which are the foundation of any strong relationship. Practice active listening. When someone is talking to you, really listen to what they’re saying, without planning your response. This not only strengthens your relationships but also helps you gain new perspectives, which is crucial for resilience.
Another aspect of resilient relationships is empathy. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Try to understand their perspective, even if you don’t agree with it. This doesn’t mean you have to compromise your own beliefs, but it does mean you’re open to understanding others.
Finally, consider the power of community. Being part of a community gives you a sense of belonging and support. Whether it’s a group of friends, a professional network, or a volunteer organization, being connected to others who share your values and interests can boost your resilience.
Putting It All Together: Experiments in Resilience
Now that we’ve explored the five core areas of resilience, it’s time to put them into practice. Here are three experiments to help you build resilience in your daily life.
1. The 5-Minute Experiment: Mindful Breathing
Set a timer for five minutes. Find a quiet place to sit or lie down. Close your eyes and take a deep breath in through your nose, filling your lungs completely. Hold for a moment, then slowly exhale through your mouth. Repeat this process, focusing only on your breath. If your mind starts to wander, gently bring it back to your breath.
This simple exercise can help calm your nervous system, reduce stress, and improve focus. It’s a quick way to reset your mind and body, especially in the middle of a hectic day.
2. The 30-Minute Experiment: Journaling
Take 30 minutes to journal about a recent experience that triggered a strong emotional response. What happened? How did you feel? Why do you think you felt that way? What past experiences might have influenced your reaction?
This exercise helps you explore the emotional imprints of your past and understand how they affect your present. By bringing these patterns to light, you can start to change them and respond to challenges in a more resilient way.
3. The 1-Hour Experiment: Digital Detox
Set aside one hour to disconnect from all digital devices. No phone, no computer, no TV. Use this time to do something that nourishes your mind and body—go for a walk, read a book, cook a healthy meal, or meditate.
This experiment helps you reconnect with yourself and the world around you, without the constant distractions of technology. It also gives your brain a much-needed break, which can improve focus, creativity, and resilience.
Conclusion: Building Resilience, One Step at a Time
Resilience is a journey, not a destination. It’s something we build over time, through our thoughts, actions, and relationships. By understanding and working on these five core areas—psychology, emotional imprints, body-mind connection, habits, and relationships—we can cultivate resilience and navigate life’s challenges with greater ease and confidence.
Remember, it’s not about being perfect. It’s about making small, consistent changes that add up over time. So start with these experiments, and see how they can help you build a more resilient mind and body.
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